Seeking balance.

Even more than satellite data links, I have been seeking, lately, a way to rebalance my life. The demands of the work here have led me to abandon many of the things that help to balance my life, such as language study, exercise, days off, cooking as often as I like, reading for pleasure, sleeping for 7 hours in a row. It is a common refrain for people working here to encourage each other to take it a little easier, to take some time for yourself. And though it is true that there haven't been many opportunities for me to carve out space for myself lately, one large barrier has also been my mental quandary over the justification of it. I have found it hard to justify why I should deserve to do this, when so many of my partners, and those we serve have no choice or opportunity to do so.

In discussing these feelings with some very close and dear friends tonight, one sage shared with me an idea that spoke to the very heart of my inner debate. I don't have to figure out a way to justify why I deserve balance, even though it is denied to others. It is something we each deserve by right of our inherent human dignity, and in fighting for the human rights of others, I should also honor those rights by defending my own (emphasizing balance, not indulging in those rights to excess...).

The moral justification of a thing is always important to me, and though I generally fail to live up to my ideal morals, it helps, it gives me direction and purpose, to know wherein they are based. And so it is with immense gratitude that I find in the very principles by which I already try to guide my life, this satisfaction of my moral searchings. And just in time, as I have found creeping into the corners of my mind resentment towards the leisure enjoyed by others. Now, moral justification in hand, I have only to carve out the opportunity to apply it. Thank you dear friend.