say when?

This week, there have been work dinner's five nights in a row. None of them was mandatory, technically, but the pressure is there nonetheless, and absence is judged.

I understand, that as a boss, there is a responsibility to support your staff that may extend outside the office. That establishing accessibility, and camaraderie, benefits the work environment.

But when to say when?

Its true that for our volunteers, often a large portion of their friend circle is made up of other GHAP affiliates. So they don't have the same reaction to the blurring of the work and the social. But with the exception of Jade, who I count as a good friend, I prefer not to spend my time outside of work with work colleagues. We work long hours, we often travel together, I like to have some time, some space, that is not encroached upon by my job. I don't think this is unreasonable.

Its not that I have created complete isolation. I have hosted dinners and movie nights at my house for work colleagues. I have attended birthday parties and farewells. Even so, my absences are always noted, and often commented upon.

Last year's volunteers took them to mean I was putting up walls between staff and volunteers. When the possibly emerging rift in staff/volunteer dynamics was brought up with our board, their immediate suggestion was for staff to spend more time with the volunteers outside of work. Specific suggestions included doing things with them informally, and inviting them to our homes. Since when does supervising staff successfully mean that you must invite them to your house?? Why are the work dynamics so much different here that it often feels more like high school or summer camp than a professional work environment? (this is not a comment on my org, but MS in general).

Each of the five dinners this week had a specific, and justifiable purpose. On Thursday, two past volunteers who have come back for the summer took a partner organization out to dinner, and invited GHAP as a bonding activity. On Friday, there was a farewell dinner and drinks amongst GHAP for those two volunteers. On Saturday, dinner out with two docs who are in town to lead a TB training. On Sunday, a birthday party for a staff member. And Monday, dinner with all the staff/volunteers to welcome one new staff person and another staff person visiting from the China border (which is the one of the five dinners that I scheduled, and is a tradition for welcoming new staff). So, good reasons for all. But how many evenings before it is unreasonable? In addition, I'm bound to have an evening conference call or two in the next week, bound to work late into the evening a night or two on some report or proposal. In Mae Sot, there is always someone arriving or someone leaving. They are all important. But it adds up. Mental health, or whatevers left of it, would benefit from some time away from work, it would seem.

But its hard to know when to say enough, when whatever you skip sends some message or another. Particularly now, when I'm most especially craving time alone, its hard to objectively interpret where the borders of my professional responsibilities lie. At what point am I drawing reasonable lines, and at what point am I impacting my performance as a manager?

Anyway, this is just a rant, to the world outside of Mae Sot, since it is one I can't make here.