Home(?) Again

It is very odd to go on a journey in which both coming and going feels like returning home. I took a whirlwind tour back to the States during downtime here over the holidays. It was really wonderful to see family and friends (and have a few days of doing no work!), but also rather strange to have the immediate contrast of life there with my life here, and also to reflect on my ties to place.

I've never been one to identify with a place as a home. I don't consider myself to have a hometown. And even though my family has been based out of Maryland for quite a while now, my definition of home is still tied to being with family and friends, rather than to the house or any other particular location. So going to Brookeville, was in a strong sense, very much like returning home. I was able to spend time with my family, and spend time with friends from high school and college. And to my friends in Thailand, I definitely referred to the trip as going 'home'.

At the same time, though, there is a certain identification with this life here as home as well. Here I have my own house, I have a job, and an organization for which I'm responsible. A social network completely separate from that which is the overriding ground in my life, but at times equally important, simply because of its immediacy. My immediate future is here, and what I do here is very much tied into how I self-identify as a person. Though, certainly, I wouldn't identify Mae Sot itself as my 'home'.

It ends up in a very difficult balance.

I spent a lot of time thinking just about life in each place as well. Returning the States, I was a bit overwhelmed by the very different flow of life there, and particularly, by the commercialism. When trying to solve a problem there, it seems that the answer is most often to buy something that will fix it, whereas, here, its usually to jury-rig a solution with what you can find around you (both metaphorically, and literally). Don't get me wrong, if you can buy a solution that is exact, it makes things much easier, and life there certainly is easier. Its just a very different frame of mind.

I found myself very much missing the relative simplicity of life here, the directness, the slower pace (work aside). Then again, it is really nice to have what you want when you want it. My favorites: hot shower with good water pressure all day long, comfy beds, wine, cheese, seemingly endless variety of nearly everything, Target (where one can buy pretty much anything, all in one place, very foreign concept here). And of course, speaking the language fluently helps everything get done more easily... So, reflecting on such things, it seems crazy to leave the very enjoyable quality of life possible in the States.

I guess, though, that part of that ease of life in the US comes with the ability to hide the true costs of things. Here, it is pretty difficult to hide poverty, unfair trade, poor craftsmanship, economic class discrimination, illegal immigration and trade, environmental degradation, and all of those things which are wrapped up in commerce even in the US, but which are packaged much better. Not to say that those things are less present here, just that their presence is generally more apparent.

So, I suppose upon reflection, I very much look forward to returning to both 'homes', but also, I can't forsee living my entire future in either location.